I would like to extend my deepest apology with sincerity to you, readers for not updating and also delaying the post I promised you guys.
I'll do it soon. I know I will. And I'm really, very sorry.

1st to 4th November 2009:
It's been 3 days to be exact.
Yet your cold shoulder still hasn't turned back to face me once again and to listen to my full explanations.
And even before you react, your body language has automatically sent me a message that you can no longer be bothered anymore.
I tried to explain but you just wouldn't listen.
You ears were directly on the speaker of your phone but your the viens in your heart has already crawled over everything in you to open up to anything I'd say.
My words are simply voices of sound pollution to you.
And right now, no matter how loud I can try to scream and yell, you still can't hear a single word I'm saying.
And I'd probably be the last person on Earth that you'll ever listen to in your entire life.
I knew I was the first in your life.
You declared 'me' as your source of light;
that provides you energy, light, happiness, warm, brightness for every single second of your life.
I was first and I was the only one back then.
I filled up your life.
But then, a ghust of wind blew away everything, fading away every drops of your effort, removing everything entirely.
Everything's gone now.
And even when I was first in your life a year back, now, I'm simply a human being you've met somewhere that totally does not have any realtion to you or has any significance in your life.
I was moved from the first to the last in the list.

As my fingers touched the material, I began to wipe off the dust on it so smoothly that I can't even see time is running out.
But it felt so good when silence filled the air, and the atmosphere was only about me and my heart.
I circled around the surface, listening to little sounds it made.
I became exhilirated, for no specific and relevant reasons.
I turned it over, staring with glaring eyes at my own reflections, turned upside down.
I pushed it aside slowly, leaving it to occupy my time later.
My heart was tempted to bang it against the wall.
But I didn't do it.
Cause mum and dad was at home.
If they weren't, I'd be using my tongue and my sense of tastes to predict how tasty are my blood.
So I grabbed every colouring material I could find in my cupboard and folded a drawing block into half.
I took out a mechanical pencil with my shivering fingers, and began to pressed on the right top surface to begin drawing.
I wrote two simple words that sends out a simple meaning with deep and true expressions that I secretly wish would make you feel better, although somehow, I knew it wouldn't at all put out the flame that's burning in your soul.
I wrote it big enough for a myopia kid to see it from a metre's away.
My fingers held the pencil so hard that I just couldn't let it go, simply pressing it against the smooth surface, applying the concept of frictional force that runs through my mind concurrently.
I couldn't smile. My facial features were numbed for any expressions but serious.
I coloured the empty spaces between the lines and soon darkened it with a thin, black, ink pen.
It looked terific for a simple card but I still couldn't find the courage to hand it over to you.
Somehow, deep, deep down in my heart, I knew your heart no longer has anymore room for forgiveness.
When I was done after 3 hours of effort, I took the black, ink pen to write your name in the best handwritting I could.
As the ink of the pen wrote your beautiful name on paper, I felt tears running down those cheeks.
I couldn't figure out if it was tears of joy or devastation, but I knew I felt the ache right there.
It was like knives were lining up in too many rows, waiting in line to strip down bloods in my soul.
The pain was too deep for me to arrange them neatly in words.
The feeling is just simply undescribed.
But I know it's there and it still exists.
And I'm pretty much sure, this will take a very long time to heal.
Don't bother finding me a medicine, a doctor or a potion to cure it, it will eventually find it's way back to it's original place, where it belonged to initially.

The thermometer under my tongue reads the temperature of a degree I really didn't wish to see.
Once again, I'd be spending my days in bed like how I used to a week ago.
But still, I knew resting wasn't going to help me in any way.
I spent hours after hours on the bed like a frog with broken legs. However, my mind wondered about the littlest things that bothers me terribly.
Rolls of tissues I wasted on water droplets from my red, soared eyes.
I allowed germs to travel around the room through sneezing and coughing like nobody's business but still, I didn't feel any better.
A part of me died from day one.
But as soon as the depression dragged for 4 consecutive days, the depression got worst.
It was no longer a part of me that felt like it was thrown down the drain.
Now, it was entirely.
I couldn't feel like arms, my fingers, my toes or my legs.
I could only recall being called time after time when my vision were blurred by some mean objects and my head was spinning like I had just gotten off the roller coaster.
I felt my tummy aching, my head spinning and my throat feeling like it had been ripped apart.
I couldn't stop myself from breathing in so deeply, everytime my nose gets blocked or whenever I coughed.
For once in 16 years of my life, I was praying to die because I was suffering like never before.
The very next day, my bestfriend took me out.
I felt so disheartened to turn her down but she seemed like she just had to bring me out for fresh air.
She told me I looked super sick but I couldn't care less.
I just had to be there for her. I just had to.
We catched a horror movie but my mind was 3/4 wandering about nowhere. I couldn't focus.
But I enjoyed sitting down in a room, irritating the others by coughing out as loudly as I ever could.
I felt like crying. I felt like dying.
I was miserable. I felt horrible.
I didn't even care how scary the show was supposed to be.
I couldn't care less if I couldn't sleep at night because I have not been sleeping at night.
I wasn't okay.
But I had to. I just had to be.
When it ended, she accompanied me back to my neighbourhood and one thing was for sure.
I knew she wouldn't have the heart to let me go on my own.
I tried talking to her about the things I was thinking and feeling about but somehow, I couldn't elaborate much.
She gave me lectures of advices but I tried my best to control my emotions, especially in public.
When she was busy enjoying her magazine reading in the library, I headed down to the ladies.
I couldn't take it then so I shed a tear or two. And maybe, more.
I saw footsteps infront of the doorway where people hesitated about my presence in there.
But I was being stabbed and murdered by something unexplained so I really couldn't help it.
And so we left after that but I still felt like dying. Die. Die. Die.
I made some decisions to pay you a visit but she kept playing in my mind.
I kept thinking of how unfair I'm acting towards her and how she deserves you more than I do.
I kept walking back and forth, thinking and finally coming to a conclusion that I'd finally let your happiness come by. Come with someone you would be with.
Some extraordinary. Someone caring, loving, gentle and who will always be there when you need her.
And definitely, someone way, way, wayyyyyyy better than the frog you used to think was youre 'life'.
So I turned my path back to home where I died again for a few more days. Well, literally.
People fake smiles and laughters, especially when the technology's so cool that people do not see what's behind the screen.
That's why I love technology where I can play hide and seek with me, myself and I and with everyone else.
Isn't it great?

5th November 2009:
Which girl in the world wouldn't get excited to go to he prom night?
- Me.
Which girl would allow her mum to pick her dress?
- Me.
Which girl who intends to go to prom without make-up?
- Me.
Which girl who is willing to waste her 80 bucks and her prom dress just for her own emotions?
- Me.
I got my dress today.
The dress is beautiful like how the fountains flow elegantly with no troubles and complications, just beside the London Bridge (just saying), where seagulls and butterlifes flew to surround the fluffy clouds in the bright, blue sky.
If only he saw how beautiful the dress is and how my mother could really pick the best outfit for me.
If only he knew how badly the girl wanted him to take her to prom.
If only he knew how guilty she felt when her dad wants to take an off day just to make sure she's safe to go there and come back home because she doesn't have anyone else to depend on.
If only he knew how what's going on inside and out and around, and only if he knew her words and actions that she intends to take.
But it's too late now.
It's over. For real.
If the percentage was anything below half, she might have stand a chance to own the guy of her dreams.
But the level was too high and she was of no standard up to his that she deserves to win him back.
Besides, another princess is now in the fairytale so let the happy ending begin with the part where the frog is going away.
If only the prince knew how many male frogs the female frog insisted on accepting because she still dreams of being in love with someone who lives in the castle.
IF...
But don't worry your majesty, I bet you that the frog will go.
The frog will go.
She already is on her way.
But she will never forget every bits of her seconds in life with the prince and his kindness.
She will keep that, she promises.
So hey frog, it's time to go.
Hello cushions and pillows and ceilings and tears and emo songs,
goodbye time and joy,
and welcome back nightmare and fever and depression.
I'll be waiting for 6am in the morning, when I can finally close my eyelids to visit my happiness in dream land. Reality always brings frowns huh?
I know.
Goodbye.

Hey there. This post is supposedly on 31st Oct!
ANYWAYS! HAPPY HALLOWEEN! ((:
Was trying to come up with plans for some celebration with Iqah but it didn't work out so I had to spend my day going to TA and back home.
Again, the computer is driving me insane.
I overheard mum and dad's conversation, intending to get me a new laptop.
Seriously, I think this is the first time I have ever asked them to get me something I really needed so badly.
But I only remembered asking my dad for a new PC, not a laptop.
I think buying a new laptop isn't really worth it because in two years time (I really am counting on this), I'll be studying in a school where laptops are needed. And that will also depend on the course I'm taking.
If my fate is similar as my brother, I'd only have a chance to purchase a laptop that the course specifies.
Anyways, I didn't get to wish those October babies for their birthdays so here I go;
Happy Belated Birthday Effika (:
Happy Belated Birthday Weiling (:
Okay wait. I have to elaborate on this.
Yanting called me and Iqah up to join their surprise party plan for Weiling and it turned out great! :D
Honestly, I'm kinda lazy to upload it in my blog since I have already uploaded in Facebook.
But I'll re-consider x]
*PS: I already wished her. HAHAHA! But I guess the belated's for the blog then =)
Happy Belated Birthday Dad!
Happy Belated Birthday Zahirah!
And you know what? After 4 years of friendship with Zahirah, I just knew that her birthday falls on the same day as my dad. Hahaha! 20th Oct (:
Happy Belated Birthday Cik Zali!
Again, I admit that I'm a little too lazy to upload photos from the dinner I went to Straits Kitchen at some hotel to celebrate my dad's and uncle's birthday.
I spent most of my time enjoying the prawns and laughing out loud with Nadiah, my cousin because we kept making fun of each other with two cute guys.
She just wouldn't admit that she does find him cute. Heh!
But anyway, Nadiah, if you are reading this, I don't like him ehhhhhh.
I think he's weird. Hahaha! Whatever ah.
:D
And speaking of October, I've re-considered.
I'll most probably summarise all the October activities which includes the Hari Raya outings with family, friends and even the embarassing moments of karaoke-ing at Aunty Dahlia's AWESOME home! MAN! It's huge like crazy and I really, really feel like sleeping-over someday. HEHEHE!
I'll try my best to get it done asap cause you know how this computer can kill me =____=
9 hours just to upload a freakin' album. But it was worth it (:
It was for Weiling's Sweet 16. HEH!
Oh ya! Ain, you owe me Iqah's Sweet 16 photos and videos ;D
I think Iqah's fingers are itching to slap my face for coming out with the idea of 16 dares.
But I'm glad you enjoyed the day and also your gift :D:D:D:D
Another thing that I totally forgot about October is that I went out with Iqah all the way to Marina Square and the Esplanade.
We took tons of photos and we totally enjoyed ourselves. It was a fun outing with you babe [:
I'm so glad that so far, ever since the holidays began (for me), I've been going out and enjoying my life more than I ever did for every single day.
And it turns out that I fell sick after that -.-
And also for the fact that I got affected by my brother who fell sick before me.
Fever's all gone for now except my cough.
Maaaaaan, this stinks.
I've been stuck at home like some lazy pig! I need to go out! SOOOOONNNNN! Hahaha.
Well, I'm off!
I think I need to edit some photos that I'll be blogging about soon.
Do you know how troublesome it is to keep rotating potrait photos that I took with my camera?!
GOSH I owe Facebook and Blogger ALOT of photos.
See you guys soon! BYE! :D

PSL Photo Taking Day!

HELLO EVERYBODY!
Yup, I'm back! Heheh! Miss me? =D
Sorry for the really long M.I.A period.
It's almost a week since my exams ended and I'mma happy girl-girl :D
OKAY! I have finally finished uploading the Hari Raya photos from the first day both in Facebook and here!

Not bad uh? Hahaha!

Human beings are species that are impossible to predict.
And with these species, comes two different groups.
The male and the female.
Males.
One word with simply too many definitions.
They come and go to womans' lives.
At one second, they bring joy, laughter and simply everything that means a lot to her.
But at another second, they pretend as if females are foolish enough to fall in their trap. All along, they were behind masks because of no self-confidence.
On the other hand, they leave, disappearing with no relevant reasons.
And at another point, there's too many ways on how they appear in womans' lives.
This is not a criticism.

One guy came with a magnet in his soul,
A girl got attracted and fell in love.
His eyes, his nose and everything else seemed so perfect in her eyes.
Cause love is really, very blind.
And this may seem like a simple crush.
But it took her to almost 12 months to be able to learn about giving up.
She persisted to, listened to her loved ones to let go,
but she never could because deep inside, she didn't want to.
She was stuck. Really, really stucked onto him.
Seems like a story of two different poles, attracted unknowingly by strong magnetic forces that seemed too invinsible to notice.
But no. You're wrong.
Through out, it was only the South pole that tried to get attracted to the North.
However, the North felt that South was never good enough for North.
Only then, South decided to let go.
But. This took away her tears, her soul, her beating heart and everything else she could ever have.
And this took more than you can ever imagine.
It even dragged all the way to her first love.
He was a heart of sincerity.
She fell for it but 1/4 of her soul was still stucked to her past.
It managed to fade as time flies, but things went rough between the girl and her first love.
Then, the North pole came back into her dreams.
She was caught red handed because of confusion.
She ought to let go, which she did, but eventually slipped into a trap of an idiotic mouse.
His features were truly undefined.
It was only his eyes that she could see.
Everything else was blinded by his sweet talk.
He was wearing a mask, everyday and at every point of time.
His lips was filled with thousands of beautiful and extraordinary vocabulary that at one click of the finger, a girl can melt so easily and feel butterflies in her tummy.
She accidentally got caught by his fishing net and became his next victim.
But she wasn't stupid as what he thought.
She wasn't a fool like anyone else.
She was strong and independent so she stepped forward, and made things clear.
And his real identity was revealed within minutes.
He was lucky enough that she didn't believe others' words fully.
She's not that typical girl.
And so the truth leaked out and then she realised how foolish she was.
It was not because she fell into his trap which she didn't.
But it was because she already knew that it was just too good to be true but yet she perservered.
And so, the story was only about the princess and her fairytale in dreamland.
It never came true and through out, it was only her and her retarded brain cells who predicted that chemistry and true love really exists.
She was playing with her own feelings all the way.
But she didn't blame herself for that.
Cause she knew he was a bastard afterall.
She didn't regret not revealing what her heart intends to speak out.
But she regretted the fact that she slipped into his trap.
And so the girl told herself, "I didn't fall into his trap. I tripped and slipped into it."
That's how reality explains the ending.
It doesn't matter how she feels.
No one would understand.
Especially you. Asshole.

You made me cry,
you made the inside die.
You made me sing,
Sing in tears when I was dreaming.
And when that dream was supposed to be sweet,
you came and crash it cause you're mean.
You're filled with black souls everywhere,
you're one pathetic human being so I don't care.
You destroyed my dreams and my heart,
But it's too long to explain if I begin from the start.
So go after what you think is right,
cause as far as I know, you never had a real heart.
I pray that you'll change one day,
but don't you ever make me fall in love with you again.

F you, F you, F you.
You bloody bastard.
Go and die in peace please.
Your face is the one I'm longing to scream at and tear into pieces.
Please, just go die.

Hello readers :D
Please forgive me for being such a slow asshole to upload new updates on my blog.
I'll re-blog everything from A to Z kay? =)
Just so you know, check out the post I updated on 15/09.
I just managed to upload Anz Sparda's video during Teacher's Day 2009. Sadly, I can only upload this one where I had to immediately record it through my pathetic phone.
I've tried my best to upload the one in HD but I failed. So many times already.
Besides, I can't upload the one where he whole class danced to the song Beat It By Michael Jackson and led my our form teacher, Mr Tay.
Sorry! =(

20/09/2009:

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILLY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIFFANY!

I've sent the message that I created to almost everyone, except Ammar cause I know you won't understand. Hahaha!
But in the end, I wished you too right? Heh =P
I've yet to upload the photos!
I promise you that it'll be upload on the next post, kay?

And here are the videos that I took.
I can't remember their specific dates but enjoy them.
If you're not interested, it's okay (:
ENJOY! :D

I don't remember when was this or if I had uploaded it.
Sorry if it seemed like a repeat =D



AH HAH! This was when Iqah got back to school, yay! I MISSED YOU LA, SERIOUSLY! =D
And guess what? I cut my fringe! LOL! =D

This was during our free time after school!
Guess what?! WE MISS OUR SYF MOMENTS! =(
And so we decided to dance our SYF dance.
But we weren't doing full out so don't mind our nonsense :D
And then the rain came pouring down.
And we were stuck in school! =/
What a day...

I remembered this! HAHAHA! =D
It's on 4th September. It was Mr Tay's birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR TAY! :D

The whole class sang to him during form teacher's contact time. Heh.

And I remembered this too! :D
This is on 3rd September and before I got my fringe chopped off! Heh.
Eh! Special guest stars; Weiling and Sara Lee =D
By the way, I apologise for not arranging my videos in proper order.
Cause I really can't remember which comes first. SORRY!

And the SYF dance video leads to this next video! YAY!
We finally managed to get our "alone" time in the class. *Sounds so wrong though.
And we were finally able to record a so called, 'Official Music Video of One and The Same' from Princess Protection Programme movie by Selena and Demi! WOOTS! x)

I don't remember if I had uploaded this either so yeah.
This was after PE. And when my fringe was still yet to be chopped off.
There were about half the class there but then I couldn't care much less.
So I persuaded Iqah to dance to Nobody. Hehe! =D

This one is quite funny. Well uh, to me la. Heh!
This was in the library.
Was supposed to be studying but I was too distracted.
:D

My favourite video! =D =D =D =D
Syafiqah and I choreographed to the song Forever by Chris Brown.
It's copyright so don't copy kay? =)
Comment it if you want to.
It's at Facebook too, yay! x)

And if I'm not mistaken, I think this is a few days before Hari Raya.
Or was it on the eve of Hari Raya? Hahaha! Sorry, I can't remember! =X
Nadiah and Farah (my two awesome, favourite cousins) came over to play bunga api! Again, I forgot what it's called in English -.-"
I had fun! Although I know I look so "aunty" in the video.
But who cares?! HAHAHA!

I'll update more on the Hari Raya photos and other stuffs. BYE! =D

Hey! :D
I'm uploading on Selena, again. Heh.
Check out some of Demi and Selena's web shows on YouTube.
I'm not gonna upload them all or you guys might think I'm becoming a gay -.-
So, if you're free and you want to, check out their cool web shows on YouTube kay?
I particularly like the one where Selena says she likes Power Rangers cause so do I! =D
And here's one of the updates that they have.
Check out their cool hand shake, OMG! :O
Iqah, we should make one! :D :D :D :D



And this is Selena Gomez for a Seventeenth Magazine Shout Out Interview!
I WANTED THAT KIND OF HAIR! =(((((((
She's pretty huh? =P
Wish I was as pretty as her.
ENJOY!~



And check this one out too! :D
It's Selena's actual singing voice, wooooooootttttttssssssssss! x]
Hot, talented, passionate, friendly, pretty, awesome, amazing and everything in the World's Best Words of the Universe.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh! I'm going crazy over her =\



And lastly, this video is dedicated to Iqah (: LOVE YOU MANGO! x)




Oh! By the way, this video goes to Luqman. YOU WANTED TO MAKE A WEB SHOW RIGHT?! Hah.




Till I update again, probably on the videos that I took with Iqah. Bye! =D